Anger Continued

by Kaleb Montgomery, Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine

I had a few people write me after my last article “How We Use Anger” with comments and questions. One person commented that when she got angry it was herself that she was really angry with. She went on to say that she got angry at herself mostly when she did something stupid. This is a great comment because it illustrates well a good point very well.

Usually our anger is directed outwards at other people or other things. However my commentor is aware enough to realize that her “stupid” actions are what underlie the angry outburst. No matter what, we can always look back and find out how our own actions contributed to the problem. We can ask, “Was there anything I could have done or said to avoid what happened?”. The answer to that is almost always yes.

Of course, the other person’s actions or words contributed to the problem too. However, we can not control the other person’s behaviour, so if we want to change the situation it is our own behaviour we must examine.

Another comment that someone else made was that he could only see his part in the problem once he calmed down. In the heat of the argument all perspective was lost. This is another great comment because it leads to a great piece of advice for dealing with anger. WALK AWAY.

You can dramatically improve any relationship you have in which anger plays a part in by walking away when things get too heated. It does not matter if you are the one who is too angry to see clearly or not. Once one person has lost his cool nothing constructive will be accomplished. It is much better to swallow your pride and walk away. Saying “I am too angry to talk now. I’ll come back to talk when I’ve cooled down” is a great phrase to use when we find our selves about to lose control. Being aware of where our point of no return is the key. Once we have lost control, then by definition we do not have the control to walk away. I know I have been in situations where walking away would have stopped a lot of ugliness. The key is to stop things before they escalate.

If any body has any further comments or question please drop me a line. I am happy to answer any specific questions you may have.